Fear & Reactivity
- mw2327
- Mar 12
- 2 min read
When I first adopted Horchata from the shelter she was extremely reactive. She was about 5 and a half, in the shelter alone for a year, and who knows what her life was like prior to the shelter. But given her reactivity towards men and children, I’m guessing it wasn’t anything close to the life of luxury to which she is now accustomed. I’m not gonna lie. I was afraid to walk her, for fear of her lunging at a person. She lunged and barked anytime someone would come in our vicinity. And as long as kids were calm, she was calm, but the second they started to scream, run, or otherwise behave erratically, it startled Horchata and she reacted.
She never touched any of these people because she was on a short leash and I was hyper
vigilant, but still. It was terrifying. I was yelled at, given dirty looks, people did not look kindly upon being lunged at by a 65 pound pitbull, who knew?
I started to recognize my desire to avoid, my body constriction, my racing thoughts about our evening walks, when there are the most people and families out. I was preemptively getting myself worked up, bracing myself for the worst. I was allowing myself to get stuck in my own fears about the worst case scenarios that might happen on a walk, or in my building.
Once I recognized how my fear was making Horchata feel unsafe, like she needed to protect me, I realized I needed to change my attitude and learn to not avoid, but rather to face my fears. I was doing us BOTH a disservice.
I started to view our walks as exposure therapy sessions. I started to intentionally walk amongst groups of families so Horchata could get used the different noises, movements, and being around all kinds of people. I also started to think more about my OWN fears and my desire to overcome, rather than avoid.
Our walks started to become therapy for both of us, and it helped me relax immensely, in turn, allowing Horchata to recognize that I am in charge, and that she doesn’t need to protect me all the time. We are still working on her discernment skills, but it has been an incredible journey for both of us to conquer our fears and learn to respond, as opposed to react.
Tara Brach does a couple of amazing talks on fear:
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